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“At the end of the day, the questions we ask of ourselves determine the type of people that we will become.” — Leo Babauta
In yesterday’s post I talked about how changing “If only” statements into “How can I” questions creates a much more positive mindset that leaves one’s subconscious mind free to search for solutions (instead of creating a mental roadblock).
The manner is which one talks to one’s self is not only important in maintaining a positive attitude, when used correctly, it becomes a powerful tool. For example, how one forms questions they ask themselves can have a serious impact on the answers one gets in return. One of the reasons for this is because your subconscious mind doesn’t care what you ask. And it will automatically try to find that answer to your question. This is great. But because your subconscious mind is a bit like a robot, it also doesn’t care if the answer it provides you is (or isn’t) in your own best interest.
Whatever you choose to ask yourself, your subconscious mind will diligently seek an answer to your question. But because your subconscious mind is a bit like a robot, it also doesn’t care if the answer it provides you is (or isn’t) in your own best interest.
So if you ask it a question in the form of a negative, the answer you get will also be in the form of a negative…
Here are some extremes…
- Why can’t I attract the love of my life?
- Why can’t I stay in a long-term relationship?
- Why don’t people think I’m funny?
- Why don’t more people like me?
— and your subconscious mind will answer, “You can’t [do these things] because….”
Because you asked in the form of a negative, the answer you get back is also in the form of a negative.
If you like to beat yourself up or feel drained or powerless in the world, this is a great way to do it. (I don’t suggest that.)
Don’t be fooled, your question doesn’t have to have a “can’t” or a “don’t” in it to be negative.
- Why am I always getting things wrong? (You are always getting things wrong because…)
- Why do I keep falling for girls/guys that are bad for me? (You keep falling for people who are bad for you because…)
- Heck, I even did it in a blog post: “Why am I not a better person?” (You are not a better person because…)
So if you want to avoid beating yourself up, pay closer attention to your thought process and take charge of it whenever you have a tendency to form a thought in the negative form vs. the positive. (You may recall that this is #1 of 12 ways to find encouragement, “train or retrain your brain”).
So when you are talking to yourself, always remember to ask yourself empowering questions in the form of a positive:
- How can I improve areas in my life and get more things right? (You can improve areas in your life by…)
- What can I do more of (or less of) to attract the love of my life? (You can attract the love of your life by…)
- How do I attract the right girl/guy for me?
- How can I be wicked funny like that Zero Dean fellow?
- How can I become more likable like that dear, dear, friend of mine, Zero Dean?
- What is Zero Dean’s phone number, because I feel like… whoops! Sorry.
Do you see the difference? Or more importantly, do you feel the difference?
- Offsite: You Are Always “Right”