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“Must love dogs.”

Lessons Learned from The Path Less Traveled by Zero Dean
DATING PROFILES

Why is it always “Must love dogs.” and never:

Must be kind.
Must be loving.
Must have integrity.
Must have empathy.
Must be open-minded.
Must be able to communicate well.
Must have emotional intelligence.
Must be able to express emotions.

Based on how often “Must love dogs” comes up, you would think that finding men that like dogs is a serious problem in the dating world.

I would think finding men with the other qualities would be a little higher on the list of priorities.

“Where did all the good men go?”


Dating profile: He must have dark hair, be over 6′ tall, fit, successful, have a reputable career, want kids, love to travel, live within 10 miles, and have lots of time for me. No I will not meet you for coffee. If I’m not worth dinner, don’t even bother. No cheap dates!

Same person: “Where did all the good men go?”

“He never listens to me.”


“He never listens to me.” “He’s not in tune with what I’m thinking.” “I never really know how he’s feeling.” “I just wish we could have a meaningful conversation.” “He’s bad at showing his emotions.” “He never lets me in.”

Same person: “I want a ‘real man’ (not a sensitive one).”

See the problem(s)?

Living in harmony

Lessons Learned from The Path Less Traveled by Zero Dean

Being able to live in harmony with others is largely dependent on being able to effectively communicate with those who choose to live their lives differently than you do.

Spewing negativity and hate doesn’t lead to less hate and negativity. Break the chain. Lead by example.

Strive for authenticity

Bit by bit we create fictitious relationships with people when how we act isn’t congruent with who we truly are. And then if we rely on or grow fond of those relationships, we become conditioned to elicit behaviors that aren’t a reflection of our true selves.

This poses a number of problems. Not least of which is the fact that the bigger the gap becomes between how we act and who we truly are, the more friction we feel. Even if we don’t feel uneasy at the time, living in an incongruent fashion eventually catches up with us and manifests itself as any number of relationship related issues.

Always strive to act as authentically as possible. By aligning how you act with who you truly are, you will not only form far more meaningful and rewarding relationships, you will naturally attract many more of the types of people you actually want in your life.

Lessons Learned from The Path Less Traveled by Zero Dean

Don’t leave your sense of worth and well-being in the hands of others.

dont-leave-your-sense-of-self-worth-in-the-hands-of-others-zero-dean

Excerpt from: Likability. Being liked and unliked.

If you want to reach your full potential, then you must learn to accept yourself for who you are & who you want to be and take personal responsibility for your life and how you feel.

And along the way to self-actualization, you must be prepared to be unpopular. Don’t leave your sense of worth and well-being in the hands of others.

Those who achieve greatness in life don’t let others dictate how they feel about themselves — and neither should you.

Related:

Friends and enemies

Working through a problem with a 3rd party is one thing. Speaking badly about another person simply because you don’t like them is something else entirely.

If you wouldn’t say it to the person you’re speaking about, then perhaps it’s not the sort of thing you should be saying to someone else in their absence.

And if you’re not the kind of person who would stick up for a friend being spoken poorly of when they’re not present, then perhaps it’s time to consider what it means to be a friend.

Real friends may give each other shit — and often do — but they also don’t let others speak poorly of their friends in their absence.

Having integrity means sticking up for what you believe in even when it isn’t easy. And sometimes this means refusing to take part in conversations aimed at putting people down.

Learn to let people make up their own minds about others without trying to bond by creating a common enemy.

Related:

if-you-wouldnt-say-it-to-the-person-youre-speaking-about-zero-dean

if-youre-not-the-kind-of-person-friend-zero-dean

A magical question

Excerpt from: Is there anything I can do to help?

"Is there anything I can do to help?" is a magical question.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” is a magical question.

(Use it often to show you care.)

See also: Is there anything I can do to help (if so, contact me)

Related:

Relationships & teamwork

From acquaintances to best friends to married couples, all great friendships involve teamwork.

Teamwork sits alongside trust, communication, and tolerance as a building block of the best relationships.

Teamwork is not “What can I get out of this relationship?”, it’s “What can I bring to this relationship to make it better?”

Teamwork is the combined commitment to overcome obstacles. It’s support. It’s encouragement. It’s working together.

It’s rising to the challenge of bettering yourself for the benefit of the whole. It’s providing the support & encouragement necessary to help others better themselves and succeed in their endeavors.

Whether it’s providing a kind word, sincere appreciation, a listening ear, or something else entirely, never stop trying to add value to your relationships.

Never underestimate the power of teamwork.

Never stop asking, “What can I do to make this relationship better?”

Related:

teamwork-zerosophy-zero-dean

“They suck.”

Think of a group of people you don’t like.

Now realize there are people in the world who don’t like a group of people that you fall within.

Whether it’s because of your profession, the color of your skin, your cultural background or something else entirely, you are disliked by people who don’t even know you simply because you fall within a stereotype.

Think it’s fair? Probably not. They don’t know you or what motivates you, how could it be fair?

If you’ve ever been stereotyped and didn’t like it, then refuse to stereotype others no matter how accurate you think the stereotype is.

It should go without saying, but no two people are exactly alike.

Every person on the planet draws upon a unique history of life experiences that shape who they are, how they see the world, and how they act.

Refuse to rely on a generalization or oversimplification from which to judge a group of people.

Resist disrespecting and speaking badly about others just because family, friends, the media, or society considers it acceptable to paint an entire race, culture, or group of people in a negative light.

Whatever your lifestyle preferences may be, respect people enough to give others a chance to show who they are by how they act.

Some of the best friendships in the world are between people who don’t necessarily agree on everything. It is our differences from one another that help us grow and push us to see the world from a perspective other than the one we’ve grown most comfortable with.

ster·e·o·type
noun
1. a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.

[This is not to say throw caution to the wind when you are in unfamiliar territory. Be cautious, be aware of your environment, and understand & respect cultural differences. This is simply to say that if you don’t like being stereotyped, don’t stereotype others.]

Related:

they-suck-zero-dean

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