Killing Doubt


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Parody of a scene from one of the greatest films ever made (The Princess Bride).
© the respective owner(s)

DOUBT: You must be that little American brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. You’ve tried to overcome me your whole life only to fail now? I think that’s about the worst thing I’ve ever heard. How marvelous.

(ZERO stands up after a knife thrown by DOUBT hits him in the stomach)

DOUBT: Good heavens. Are you still trying to win?

(ZERO falls back against the wall)

DOUBT: You’ve got an overdeveloped sense of determination. It’s going to get you into trouble someday.

(DOUBT draws his sword and lunges at ZERO who weakly parries the blade, into his left shoulder. Again DOUBT lunges at ZERO and the blade is deflected to ZERO’S right arm. The next attempt at a blow, ZERO blocks, and drags himself upright.)

ZERO: Hello. My name is ZERO DEAN. You tried to kill my dreams. Prepare to die.

(He continues to move forward, but slumps onto the table. DOUBT goes on the attack, and ZERO blocks four blows – and starts forward again.)

ZERO: Hello. My name is ZERO DEAN. You tried to kill my dreams. Prepare to die.

(Five more of DOUBT’s blows are handily parried.)

ZERO (louder): Hello! My name is ZERO DEAN. You tried to kill my dreams. Prepare to die.

DOUBT: Stop saying that!

(DOUBT attacks again. ZERO blocks it again, and then stabs DOUBT in the shoulder. Then DOUBT takes a swing at him, which ZERO ducks to come up and stab DOUBT in the other shoulder. Then he advances quickly into a flurry of blows.)

ZERO: Hello! My name is ZERO DEAN! You tried to kill my dreams – prepare to die!

(He knocks DOUBT’s sword aside, and slices his cheek.)

DOUBT: No!

ZERO: Offer me money.

DOUBT: Yes!

ZERO: Power too – promise me that!

(He slices DOUBT’s other cheek)

DOUBT: All that I have and more! Please!

ZERO: Offer me everything I ask for.

DOUBT: Anything you want.

(DOUBT attacks, hoping to catch him by surprise – but ZERO grabs his arm and stabs DOUBT in the stomach)

ZERO: I want to succeed with my integrity intact you son of a bitch.

(ZERO plunges the sword into DOUBT’s gut, finishing it.)

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