When you truly know who you are…

Excerpt from: my book series

when-you-truly-know-who-you-are-zero-dean-cube

When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.

Related:

Image above inspired by: Pictures in boxes

pictures-in-boxes-rubiks-cube

Weaknesses are a leaky boat

This post is a follow-up to: What are you weaknesses?

Consider for a moment that you are a boat.

I know it sounds silly, but do it.

You are a boat. And your life is an ocean.

With the proper skills, attitude, and approach you can navigate to wherever you wish to go.

But how quickly & easily you get to your desired destination depends not only on how efficiently you operate — and how resilient you are to challenges you encounter along the way — but on the overall integrity of your vessel.

In other words, how well you do in life depends a lot on how well you can handle and navigate less than desirable circumstances.

Now consider that your weaknesses are like leaks in the hull of this boat.

Under normal circumstances — and if the leaks are small — one can often bail out water quickly enough to keep their boat afloat.

Now, because a boat with leaks takes more energy to manage than one without, the ideal approach is to locate and plug as many leaks as possible.

The more leaks that one can plug, the more efficiently the boat will float and the less one feels the negative effects of the leaks that remain.

In short, identifying one’s weakness and then working on ways to overcome them makes one’s life more manageable.

On the flip side, if the leaks in one’s boat become too prevalent — perhaps while navigating a stormy sea — one’s vessel will take in water faster than one can bail it out.

And whether we’re talking about leaks or personal weaknesses here, not being able to manage them effectively can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, helpless, and depressed.

So you can see why identifying and actively working on one’s weaknesses can be beneficial and empowering.

How to overcome weaknesses is beyond the scope of this post, but it should help to point out that the more that one can identify their weaknesses, triggers, and bad habits, the more that they can make a conscious effort to reduce them.

The more a person makes a conscious effort to reduce the impact of their weaknesses, the more they’re able to direct their life where they want it go.

The more control a person gains over their self, the more control they gain over their life. The more control a person has over their life, the happier they tend to be.

One of the biggest steps toward gaining control over one’s life is gaining control over one’s self.

Plug your leaks.

(And if you can’t plug them, at least learn ways to minimize them).

“We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” — Carlos Castaneda

Related:

weaknesses-are-a-leaky-boat-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

Dear people who boast about how successful they are…

your-insecurity-is-showing-zero-dean

Dear people who boast about how successful or wealthy they are or how awesome their life is,

Your insecurity is showing.

“It is always the secure who are humble.” — G K Chesterton

Related:

You don’t have to be smart to be wise.

Just because someone isn’t considered to be a “smart” person doesn’t mean they can’t excel in life. Some people are quick thinkers, others are slow.

It isn’t necessarily the sharpest tool in the shed that makes the biggest difference, it’s how one chooses to use it.

Being smart means very little if you don’t use your resources wisely.

You don’t have to be smart to be wise.

“Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact: Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.” — Steve Jobs

Read the comments on Facebook

Related:

you-dont-have-to-be-smart-to-be-wise-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

Dealing with disapproval

if-you-spend-your-time-being-the-best-person-that-you-can-be-zero-dean-faces

If you spend your time being the best person that you can be, there’s no need to concern yourself with those who may disapprove of how you live your life.

Related:

if-you-spend-your-time-being-the-best-person-that-you-can-be-zero-dean

True Beauty

We live in a culture where it’s far easier to gain admiration for looking good than it is for doing good.

Just look at any magazine stand and it’s easy to see that society reflects our worship of good looks by putting more emphasis on those who are beautiful than on those who are making a real contribution.

Isn’t it time we pay attention less to genetic lottery winners with little more ambition than to gain attention for being attractive and pay more attention to the truly beautiful people going out of their way to add real value to people’s lives?

Because people are rarely as beautiful as when they act selflessly and perform an act of kindness for no other reason than to make a positive difference.

True beauty has far more to do with what kind of value a person adds to the people and places they encounter in life than it does with being physically attractive.

Read the comments on Facebook

Related:

true-beauty-zerosophy-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

Don’t live your life wearing a disguise.

It’s better to be your genuine self and have fewer of the right kinds of people in your life than it is to surround yourself with those who only accept you as long as you conform to their idea of who you should be.

Don’t live your life wearing a disguise.

When you refuse to be anything but your genuine self, you give those who are most compatible with who you are a chance to find you.

Never fear being rejected by those who seek to confine you to their expectations. It’s OK not to be liked or accepted by everyone you cross paths with on your journey.

You have to live your own life, learn from what life experiences provide you and evolve into the person you were meant to be.

Sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back and let go of things that are keeping you from making progress in life in order to make space for more of the things that will help you fulfill your potential.

Read the comments on Facebook

Related:

its-better-to-be-your-genuine-self-and-have-fewer-zerosophy-tao-of-zero-dean

its-better-to-be-your-genuine-self-zerosophy-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

when-you-refuse-to-be-anything-but-your-genuine-self-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

dont-live-a-lie-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

Integrity and independent thinking

Gathering data to make an informed opinion is one thing. Simply waiting to agree with the crowd is something else entirely.

Being yourself and maintaining your integrity means standing up for what you believe to be right and true whether it’s in the company of a crowd or not.

Fear of self-expression is a form of self-imposed slavery.

Related:

integrity-and-independent-thinking-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

Read the comments on Facebook

The freedom to be

Are we free if we live our lives in a way that consistently requires the approval of others to be truly happy?

Are we free if we consistently force ourselves to live within the confines of other people’s expectations?

Are we free if we consistently dilute our true selves to make others happy?

Are we free if our emotions and mental state are easily controlled by what others say or do?

Are we free if we cannot consider an opposing point of view without getting emotional or immediately dismissing it because it contradicts our own beliefs?

No.

These are limitations we place on ourselves. They are, quite simply, bad habits.

The good news is that, as habits, we can replace them with better, far more empowering options if we so choose.

It may take work to rewrite years of mental and emotional constraints, but who is in charge of your life?

You are.

When you truly know who you are — and who you are in the process of becoming — you will no longer live in fear of what people say or think about you.”

Whether it’s strong, confident, carefree, independent or all of the above, give yourself the freedom to be as you truly wish to appear to others.

Don’t give power to those who don’t have your best interest in mind. Reclaim the freedom to be your true self by defining your own identity and wrestle back control of your thoughts, feelings, and sense of self-worth from those you have inadvertently given power over you.

Read the comments on Facebook

Related:

the-freedom-to-be-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

give-yourself-the-freedom-to-be-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

dont-give-power-to-those-who-dont-have-your-best-interest-in-mind-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

reclaim-the-freedom-to-be-your-true-self-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

Beating yourself up & tearing yourself down.

“My life sucks.”
“I’m a failure.”
“I’m not where I want to be.”

It should be obvious, but even if you’re not exactly where you want to be in life — or you’re unsatisfied with your current situation — beating yourself up over the fact that you aren’t where you wish to be only serves to make things worse.

Rather than help, this kind of negative thinking puts the one person most capable of fighting for your well-being at a disadvantage. It turns you into your own enemy.

You wouldn’t tolerate a friend belittling your accomplishments, rubbing your mistakes in your face, or trying to put you down. So why would you accept that kind of behavior from yourself?

You don’t win an award for seeing how low you can go or how miserable you can make yourself feel.

If you have a tendency to do this, it’s time to stop. It’s time to take note of when your line of thinking is leading you in a downward spiral. It’s time to remind yourself that making yourself feel worse about whatever situation you find yourself in isn’t helpful or necessary and no good will come of it.

“This isn’t helping me. I need to stop thinking this way. I need to stop revisiting these thoughts. I need to focus on something else. I need to remember that, ‘This, too, shall pass’.”

While you may not be able to immediately change the situation you find yourself in, you can change is your attitude about it. And rather than focus on your problems, you can focus on solutions to your problems. Even if the most immediate solution is to stop beating yourself up — because that’s a problem you can solve.

It’s important to remember that success in anything is often comprised of many failures. And comparing your life to others isn’t fair. We are each on our own unique journey. No two people are following the same exact paths in life.

And not only do people rarely make their struggles known, they often don’t highlight their failures either. What you see when you look at others’ lives is often only a fraction of a complete picture.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” — Steve Furtick

If revisiting the past in your mind makes you miserable or comparing yourself to others makes you feel like a failure, stop doing it. Because no amount of thinking about these things in this way is going to help you. No matter what you do, you cannot change the past.

The only thing you have complete control over is your attitude and how you choose to act in this moment. This moment matters.

Rather than waste time and energy tearing yourself down, use that time to focus on what you want to achieve. Taking steps to stop yourself from feeling worse is a start.

You, more than anyone, have the ability to be your own best friend, it seems a shame to waste that opportunity by becoming your worst enemy.

Retire those tired old dysfunctional thoughts. Push forward with new ones. Be thankful for what you have and work with it and take positive action.

You can be the hero of your life and the champion of your well-being, but first you have fully commit to the role.

And that transformation will only take place after you stop beating yourself up & tearing yourself down.

Don’t give power to your unfriendly thoughts.

*This isn’t about positive thinking or negative thinking. This is about stopping the barrage of unfriendly thoughts that lead one down a debilitating downward spiral that often leaves one feeling helpless and hopeless.

Negative thinking can actually lead to positive change, but it requires that one be in a mental state capable of finding the motivation to initiate that change. There is a huge difference between focusing on self-abuse that makes one’s self miserable and using negative thinking to initiate positive changes.

As I’ve written before, it’s ok not to be happy.

Read the comments on Facebook

Related:

beating-yourself-up-tearing-yourself-down-zero-dean-pg

dont-give-power-to-your-unfriendly-thoughts-zero-dean

See this pin on Pinterest

Click here for details about my new book.
This website stores some user agent data. These data are used to provide a more personalized experience and to track your whereabouts around our website in compliance with the European General Data Protection Regulation. If you decide to opt-out of any future tracking, a cookie will be set up in your browser to remember this choice for one year. I Agree, Deny
588