“You know what I really like about you…” “I love it when you…” “I really respect you for…” “This thing you did had such a good effect on me…” “Thank you for…” “I really appreciate it when you…” “I admire you for…” “One of my favorite memories of you is…”
Every day you have the power to bring out the best in people simply by sincerely highlighting those things you appreciate about them the most.
Whatever you focus on grows stronger. When you focus on those things you enjoy most about people (and life in general), you not only encourage more of the types of behaviors you like to see in others, you attract more of these types of things into your life.
The same is true when you look for the negative. Not only will you find it, you’ll magnify it.
Sometimes people have a difficult time asking for help (they are either not comfortable with it or simply don’t know how to ask without appearing selfish or needy). And sometimes people are so independent they don’t even think to ask for it.
And whether or not someone takes you up on your offer, simply asking if you can help is a supportive gesture to show that the person you are offering to help matters to you.
Helping others is not only a great way to build friendships and improve relationships, it can also improve a person’s day, project, or experience beyond measure.
Never feel bad for offering to help someone and they decline your offer (for any reason). Some people are also not very good at recognizing the intention or the thoughts behind a supportive gesture.
From a comment: Better yet, don’t even ask. Just do.
Sometimes people don’t look like they could use the help — so it’s not obvious how to help. But by asking, it helps answer the question.
I am one of those people who has a difficult time asking for help. I’m very independent. I feel that if I can do it myself, even if it takes me longer, then I should probably just do it myself. And I also don’t like to appear needy. (Hey, we all have our “things”.)
So when someone asks me if there is anything they can do to help, it can help me get over that “hump”. It also opens up a dialogue that can help strengthen a friendship or relationship.
While there is never anything wrong with trying to help people, there are times when people would rather do “it” themselves than have someone else do “it” for them.
And there are times when people will actually take offense at you doing something for them that they can/want to do themselves. While I don’t think taking offense at helpful gestures is the right thing to do, this is also why I think asking can be helpful (in those cases).
There are also times when we think the best way to help is by offering “advice”, but advice isn’t always the thing that’s truly wanted or most helpful. Especially advice that is given in a “this is what I would do” way, without regard to the context of a person’s journey. Because even our best advice that might help most people, doesn’t necessarily work with all people (the square pegs in the round holes, for example).
And there are times when we think we’re being “helpful”, when we’re really not. Such as when someone tells us they’re depressed, so we say, “Cheer up!” or “It’s always darkest before dawn!” (these things sound nice, but are not particularly helpful to a depressed person).
“My fish are dead.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you find them. Are there any clues where they went?”
“I know where they are. The problem is, they aren’t alive any more.”
“Let’s keep looking! I’m sure they’ll turn up somewhere.”
When people don’t understand the real issue, they tend to offer advice that doesn’t fit the context of the situation. So again, helping people without asking can sometimes lead one down different path than the recipient of the “help” wants to go.
That said, I totally understand the sentiment. I do open and hold doors for people. Or try to find ways to help people when I can (especially when they are obvious). For example, every creative type could nearly always use a hand getting more exposure. People who write stuff like love to be acknowledged. That sort of thing.
Just a reminder that the people who create pages and content that you like will never know it if you never show it.
It seems a shame not to show your support or say “thank you” when it is as easy as clicking a button, leaving a comment, or sharing something.
If you simply consume “free” content — that someone put time into finding or creating for you — and you never show appreciation, express encouragement, or provide feedback, there is a greater chance that your content provider will eventually disappear for lack of support.
And while there will always be more free content on the ever-hungry Internet, many people, pages, and blogs are not given the chance they deserve to truly shine because content consumers take them for granted.
Many people, pages, and blogs who want to attract a larger audience without spending a fortune on advertising, resorting to annoying self-promotion, or who aren’t directly connected to someone willing to promote them, can only do so effectively with your help.
All of the pages, blogs, and even commercial sites that haven’t reached the tipping point appreciate your support much more than you probably imagine.