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Help stamp out rampant complaining.

The fact that you’ve probably never enjoyed listening to anyone else complain is a pretty solid sign that no one enjoys listening to you do it either.

Help stamp out rampant complaining.

Always focus on solutions and what is within your power to change.

Even just changing your message from, “This is a problem!” to “This is a problem and I want to fix it.” changes your tone, implies there is a real purpose for your message and invites a discussion for solutions.

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Originally Published on: Aug 27, 2013 @ 13:23

The little lies we tell

If you have a problem with “Tell the truth, even if it hurts”, then know that what you’re essentially saying is that it’s okay for people to lie to you, as long as the lie appeals to your ego and sense of worth.

If you want to build a relationship based on false beliefs and miscommunication, then lying to a person because it makes them feel better — or makes you feel better about yourself — is an excellent way to accomplish this.

Not only is this not an open or honest way to communicate, it is one of the reasons why so many friendships and marriages fail. Because rather than truly address and resolve issues, friends or couples choose to cover them up with “little white lies.”

Originally published January 16, 2014

Silent support isn’t supportive

  • “I liked that shop, it’s too bad they closed.”
  • “That was a great website, I wonder why it went offline.”
  • “I really like that artist, I wonder why they don’t make art anymore.”

Silent support isn’t supportive.

Support can be anything from kind words & encouragement, positive feedback, to patronage & purchases. If you like or appreciate something, take the time to express it.

Related:

“Happiness is a choice” isn’t helpful

Even if attaining a state of happiness was as simple as making a choice, telling someone who isn’t happy that “happiness is a choice” is as about as helpful as teaching someone how to fish by telling them that “there are fish in the sea”.

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Strive for authenticity

Bit by bit we create fictitious relationships with people when how we act isn’t congruent with who we truly are. And then if we rely on or grow fond of those relationships, we become conditioned to elicit behaviors that aren’t a reflection of our true selves.

This poses a number of problems. Not least of which is the fact that the bigger the gap becomes between how we act and who we truly are, the more friction we feel. Even if we don’t feel uneasy at the time, living in an incongruent fashion eventually catches up with us and manifests itself as any number of relationship-related issues.

Always strive to act as authentically as possible. By aligning how you act with who you truly are, you will not only form far more meaningful and rewarding relationships, you will naturally attract many more of the types of people you actually want in your life.

Originally Published on: May 21, 2017 @ 19:38

Impactful communication

If you agree with a message, but don’t like how it’s communicated, understand that not everyone interprets information in the same way. A communication style that may be off-putting to some may be exactly what is necessary for it to be impactful to others.

It is nearly impossible to communicate with all people in the same way and have your words be just as impactful to every person who receives them.

Self-help books that cater to the masses, for example, are likely to miss those who need information communicated in a different fashion than most. Books that fill a niche tend to attract the kinds of readers who are drawn to a particular way something is communicated.

Resist the urge to always explain yourself

The fact is – for any number of reasons that are often beyond our control – people don’t always see us in the same way we see ourselves.

While it’s natural to care about how you are perceived, it is an exercise in futility to try to explain yourself or justify your actions to everyone who doesn’t get you. Not only is this often a waste of time, it will likely make you seem insecure on top of everything else.

People will often draw conclusions about others based on what they imagine or guess to be true rather than what actually is. They may even presume to know what motivates a person or declare with confidence that they know why that person took a specific course of action. When, in fact, these conclusions can paint a picture that doesn’t at all reflect reality. And that’s OK.

It is perfectly acceptable to ignore the fact that other people have the wrong impression of you. Because, with few exceptions, what other people think about you will have absolutely no impact on your life unless you choose to let it.

When you truly know who you are, it won’t matter so much that other people don’t. What matters is focusing on who you want to be and what you wish to accomplish with your life regardless of those who don’t get you, what you’re doing, or what you wish to do.

It is not your job

If someone who doesn’t know you has an inaccurate perception of who you are, it is not your job to correct them.

In some situations, explaining yourself may be helpful, but the occasions when people who could not care less about you make misinformed, misguided, or snap judgements about you are rarely those times.

Lifeguarding

Every lifeguard is trained to understand that the deceptive thing about drowning is that it doesn’t look like what most people imagine. The same thing often applies to depression.

Just because a person isn’t flailing their arms in the water doesn’t mean they’re not drowning. And just because a person smiles doesn’t mean they’re not battling depression.

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