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“Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than in trying to solve them.” — Henry Ford
If a disproportionate number of the conversations you have with people involve complaining or highlighting things you don’t like, it might be wise to consider either accepting the things you can’t change, changing the things you can, or both.
Whatever the case, unless you are explicitly invited to express your ongoing dissatisfaction with people, places, or events in your life and have a goal of working through and solving your problems, there’s a very good chance no one actually enjoys listening to you complain.
Learn to let go of the things you can’t change and move on.
“Inner Peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.”
It’s remarkable what better things there are to focus on and talk about when you remove the habit of complaining from your routine.
“Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys.” — Rita Schiano
- How to reduce the size of your problems.
- The problem with problems
- Help stamp out rampant complaining.
- Energy flows where attention goes.
- The power of focus
- Offsite: Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction
- Self-imposed limitations: A tough pill to swallow
- There are many things in this world that you are not responsible for…
From the comments:
Shannon: Is there a difference between venting and complaining?
Zero: I would say it depends on what one’s definition (and manner) of venting is.
Research shows venting tends to perpetuate the problems because it provides what appears to be a momentary reprieve, but it *changes nothing*.
You either change the things you can by actively seeking to solve the problem or you accept what you cannot change and move on.
*Some* people’s manner of venting is actually solution-oriented problem-solving.
“Angry? You could call a friend and vent. You could punch a pillow or break a plate. Or you could even record a rant on a website like RantRampage.com. Unfortunately, you may be doing more harm than good; research has found that venting actually makes your anger worse.”– Fast Company (from this article)
Some people can vent in a productive manner.
My original post is mainly about chronic complainers. There are people who have a disproportionate number of conversations that are simply complaint sessions with no intention of looking for solutions or making changes.